Lying and stealing are common, but inappropriate, behaviors in
school-aged children. While some severe forms of these behaviors can
indicate a more serious psychological problem, most of the time it is
simply a common behavior that will be outgrown. Lying and stealing are
more common in boys than girls, and occur most often in children ages 5
to 8 years.
Handling the situation when your child is lying:
When confronted with a child who is lying, it is important to first
remember the child's age and developmental stage. Children under the age
of 3 do not lie on purpose. This age group does not understand what
they are saying and instead are just experimenting with language and new
found facts about the world. They might also lie to avoid punishment
because they understand the consequences but have an undeveloped moral
code.
Children from the ages of 3 to 7 often have problems separating the
real world from fantasy. They might have imaginary playmates at this age
and enjoy fairy tales and make-believe play. The lies told by this age
group are mostly tales that they have made up, not intentional lies. By
the age of 6 or 7, however, children understand what lying is, but will
continue to cheat if able.
Children from the ages of 6 to 12 understand what lying is and the
moral wrongness of this behavior. However, children may continue to lie
in order to test adult rules and limits. The child may admit to telling a
lie, but usually he/she has many reasons for having done so. Rules are
very important at this age, so cheating becomes less important.
Other factors that may cause a child to lie:
- Children may lie if their parents' expectations of them are too high.
- Children may lie about their grades if parents assume that they are doing better in school than they really are.
- If a child is asked why he/she did some bad behavior, the child may lie because he/she is unable to explain the actions.
- Children who are not disciplined on a consistent basis may lie.
- Children who do not receive praise and reward may lie to get this attention.
When does lying become a concern?
There are multiple situations that may cause concern. If any of these
apply to your child, it is important to consult your child's physician:
- A child who is lying and at the same time having other behavioral
problems such as setting things on fire, being mean to animals, having
sleep problems, or is very hyperactive, may have more psychological
problems.
- Children who do not have many friends or do not want to play in groups may have poor self-esteem and be depressed.
- Children lie in order to get something from someone else and do not show any signs of regret.
Handling the situation when your child is stealing:
Stealing often causes more concern to parents because it may happen
outside the home and may affect other people. During the school years,
stealing may be a sign of a problem, but it may also be a result of peer
pressure and the need for the child to fit in. It is important to look
at the whole situation.
Children under the age of 3 take things because they do not
understand fully the difference between what is "mine" and what is not.
They then may become possessive of their things and protect them. They
do not steal with bad intentions.
Children between the ages of 3 and 7 begin to respect things that
belong to others. However, this age group will trade property without
regard to value if something else is wanted. The respect for property
continues in the school-aged child.
By the time the child is 9, the child should respect the possessions
of others and understand that stealing is wrong. Children in this age
group may continue to steal because of several factors, including the
following:
- They may feel peer pressure and the need to fit in.
- They may have low self-esteem.
- They may not have any friends and are trying to "buy" their friends.
- They may try to become good at stealing to feel proud of something
they have done if they do not receive positive feedback from their
parents.
When does stealing become a concern?
There are multiple situations that may cause concern. If any of these
apply to your child, it is important to consult your child's physician:
- an older child that steals and does not feel bad about it
- a child who constantly steals
- if other behavioral problems also exist in the child
Children older than age of 3 should be confronted with any lying or
stealing, but it is important to remember that most of these behaviors
are part of growing up and do not represent severe problems. Each child
is unique, and your child's physician should be involved with any
concerns.