Children are not mini adults. They think and process information very differently.
This holds true when talking with them about a cancer diagnosis, whether it’s their own diagnosis or a sibling’s. It is important to consider the child’s age and ability to understand the information presented.
Very young children (infant to 3 years old) cannot understand what cancer is. They understand things in very simple terms. Young children benefit from consistent loving caregivers, gentle touch, normalcy and routine.
Preschool age children can begin to understand cancer in terms like “good cells/bad cells” or "medication to get better." These children are curious and want to be part of their care. Some children show regression in behavior such as sleep or potty training. Again loving, consistent caregivers give children a sense of security and control during what can be a very unpredictable time.
Older children and teens may be able to understand more about cancer and may also struggle the most with the diagnosis. These children are starting to gain more independence from parents and withdraw from peers with fear of being different. It is important to include this age group in the care planning as much as the child desires. Allowing for questions and keeping the conversation open and often can help older children cope.
Remember, children of all ages have different fears, worries and anxiety than adults do. Ask children what they are thinking and what they know or understand about what's happening; this helps everyone get on the same page.
Parents often worry about the “big picture” – survival, side effects, economic concerns, etc. Many children worry about things like school, friends, hair loss, who will feed the dog, can I go to my friend’s birthday party? Graduation? Prom?
The takeaway message is: Talk openly and often about the cancer diagnosis.
Things to remember include:
- Children have different questions at different times. Reassure children that the conversation is always open and that no topic is off limits.
- With questions that you may not be able to answer, utilize your social worker and members of your health care team. They are happy to help.
- Pediatric cancer is an emotional journey. Support all the emotions your child has - anger, fear, sadness, and yes, laughter too. Children need to know that all their feelings are normal and that you will help them through this.
This is an emotional journey for every family, each in their own way. It can be also be a time of incredible strength and resilience.
Information provided in part by Heather McKnight, LMSW, Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Social Worker, Beaumont Children's.